Childhood Innocence Fades Away
It is November 8th, 2016, and I walk into my house after a long day of school. I set my backpack down in the front entrance hall and I head right for the couch. A rush of relief fills my body as I realize my teachers did not assign homework; not because they are just giving us a pass tonight, but because tonight we are experiencing one of the most important elections in history. I think to myself about the fact that I am not too familiar with politics, and how I don’t really know much about the topic, but I do know that this election is a vital decision maker for the state of our country.
The television is already on when my brother, mom, and I enter the house, the sound of Wolf Blitzer’s voice from CNN greeting us. I had been experiencing rushes of anxiety throughout the day about the election. I don’t fully comprehend what’s at stake, but I do know that my parents despise Donald Trump and there is a nervous energy in the air.
After we finish our chicken fajitas, my mom and I head upstairs where we part ways to get in our pajamas. We snuggle up on my parents’ bed wearing twin sweatshirts from my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. My mom pulls out her phone to take a selfie of us to post on Instagram. The caption reads Mother and Daughter #makinghistory #wearewithher. There is an unspoken understanding that this moment is important for every woman; my mom and I want to feel this moment together. She reminds me that women can hold the highest office in the land.
On the television screen, I see large numbers increasing by the second, a map of the United States and a gray haired man who touches the map every so often revealing how people are voting in various places. My mom is probably getting annoyed with me as I keep asking questions about what the electoral college means versus the popular vote. One thing becomes clear, my mom’s excitement turns to curiosity and then over time progresses to fear.
My mom turns to me and with a worried tone in her voice says, “Julia, I think it’s time to go to bed.” I enter the bathroom to brush my teeth and notice that I feel ill at ease, but I am not sure why. I am confused because the vibe my mom is giving off leaves me wondering, What is going to happen?
As we do each night, we climb onto my bed, and my mom scrolls through her phone to find the meditation app. I shut off the light and she presses start. We hear the voice of Jennifer Farmer, our favorite meditation guide and I drift off.
The next morning before my mom even speaks, I can tell from the look on her face that the outcome is not what we expected. I immediately start crying and my mom cannot hold in her tears. My dog plops down on my chest and licks the tears off of my face. It is as if he understands that we are grieving something.
I move through the school day in a haze. Teachers and students have blank expressions on their faces, and I immediately know that people are feeling the same as me. Later that day my mom tells me that she cannot believe the next presidential election will take place when I am a junior. She tells me that she does not want to wish the time away, but she also hopes the four years flies by.
Now, as a junior I find it crazy to believe that the four years have flown by. I remember my mom saying “maybe it will not be as bad as we think it will be”, now knowing the damage that Donald Trump has done to this country, I wish that statement was true. Being older brings more knowledge and more understanding to things that I never would have contemplated as a child. These past four years have propelled me into understanding how corrupt and mean spirited people can be. As a child you live your life without any care in the world. The innocence of a child is one of the most innate and cherished things. Anything political had never crossed my mind. As I’ve grown older that innocence has faded away, now that I have a greater understanding of the fear my mom was experiencing that night four years ago.